[00:00:00] Oh, hi there. How are you? My grandmother died when I was nine. She was the kindest, most gentle and amazing woman I have ever known. When she laughed, she had this kind of hiss to her laugh. Not really a menacing one like a snake or anything like that. Almost like a rattle.
[00:00:28] She used to babysit for us and I remember playing gestures with her. I don't remember a lot about her, but from what my mother's told me and from what her family and even the other side of our family has said about her, she was a remarkable woman. I would do anything just to have one more day with her. Or I could ask her all the questions I wanted to ask and just relish in her wisdom.
[00:00:55] I wish I could spend a day with her so I could tell her how much I love her and hear her say the same thing to me. But time moves on. And I will never get that chance. JRR Tolkien, I think, experienced the same kind of thing. Having been a soldier in World War I where he saw countless people die in the trenches and in the misery that typifies that war. He lost a lot of people and people that he loved.
[00:01:25] He lost friends. And I know that he wanted to spend more time with all of them because I can see that Tolkien writes with that longing and regret in his heart when he does. Because someone who hasn't experienced that, and to be honest, I think we've all experienced that to some degree, cannot really write in the way that he writes or even understand the things that he's writing about. In the first chapter of Book 2 of Fellowship of the Ring, and, you know, as a plug, as I always give a plug in this,
[00:01:54] I am reading through Lord of the Rings for the first time and giving my thoughts on every chapter in the form of video essays, so make sure you subscribe if you are into that kind of thing. And you want some random thoughts about literary genius of Tolkien or the beauty of certain characters or the wonder of the story. So make sure you subscribe if you are into that sort of thing. But the first chapter of Book 2 of Fellowship of the Ring is a chapter that talks about loss and the rare chance that you actually do get to say goodbye to someone you love
[00:02:24] and have another day with them that you can spend telling them how grateful you are to them. And it's one of the most beautiful chapters of literature that I have ever read in my entire life. And I have read a lot of beautiful chapters, and this one has instantly vaulted itself in the top three for what I've read. I immediately compare it to maybe my favorite opening of any book ever, in Marilynne Robinson's Pulitzer Prize winner of Gilead.
[00:02:53] This is the first paragraph. I told you last night that I might be gone sometime. And you said, Where? And I said, To be with the good Lord. And you said, Why? And I said, Because I'm old. And you said, I don't think you're old. And you put your hand in my hand. And you said, You aren't very old. As if that settled it. I told you, You might have a very different life from mine,
[00:03:22] And from the life you've had with me. And that would be a wonderful thing. There are many ways to live a good life. And you said, Mama already told me that. And then you said, Don't laugh because you thought I was laughing at you. You reached up and put your fingers on my lips and gave me that look that I never in my life saw on any other face besides your mother's. It's a kind of furious pride. Very passionate and stern.
[00:03:50] I'm always a little surprised to find my eyebrows unsinged after I've suffered one of those looks. I will miss them. I think it's one of the best openings to a novel ever. And Tolkien writes just like that in his storytelling here. This is the relationship with Bilbo and Frodo in this chapter that I'm talking about. But really, this is talking about the relationship that we all have with each other. How, as most of us put it, you don't really know what you have till it's gone. Or how some of us Office fans know it.
[00:04:20] I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you actually left them. And those chances rarely come. And regret is one of the most powerful things that we can feel and experience as humans. The longing and desire to just see that person one more time to be able to truly say how we feel. The yearning to spend another minute with that person just to tell them how much we love them. It's why I think Onward, the Pixar movie, for all of its faults,
[00:04:48] has one of the most emotionally powerful scene of any Pixar movie that I've ever seen. And I would even venture to say it's maybe the most emotionally powerful Pixar scene in all of their film lore. Or even more than the popular Up scene, which I find a smidge overrated. Or the Toy Story scene where we're all about to die and they hold hands. Or even one of my favorites, which is Inside Out, when her parents just look at her with this look filled with love. Regret is one of those things
[00:05:18] that we just carry with us to our graves. And Frodo thinks that he is going to carry regret with him for the rest of his life. Because to be honest, I think in his heart of hearts, he truly doesn't believe that he will see Bilbo again. And Frodo truly loved Bilbo. He only recognized it too late. There is a tragic line in the first chapter that hasn't been able to get out of my head. But he says, he had difficulty in keeping from laughter
[00:05:47] at the indignant surprise of the guests. But at the same time, he felt deeply troubled. He realized suddenly that he loved the old hobbit dearly. And then Bilbo disappears. And Frodo is never really able to have another conversation with him again. And you can see in so many lines of Frodo how much he wants to see Bilbo. As soon as Bilbo left, Frodo says, I wish, I mean,
[00:06:16] I hoped until this evening that it was only a joke. But I knew in my heart that he really meant to go. He always used to joke about serious things. I wish I had come back sooner. Just to see him off. And now Frodo carries this regret with him. For 17 years, he carried it with him. And again, likely he thought that it would be something he had to carry with him for his entire life till his death. That he never really got to tell Bilbo
[00:06:45] how much he loved him. But Frodo tells Gildor how much he wants to see Bilbo. And then he says it in this chapter. Gloyne looks at Frodo and smiles. You were very fond of Bilbo, were you not? He asked. Yes, answered Frodo. I would rather see him than all the towers and palaces in the world. It is beautiful. It's eloquent. And Frodo, just you wait. Because in two more paragraphs,
[00:07:15] the book will say this. As Elrond entered and went toward the seat prepared for him, elvish minstrels began to make sweet music. Slowly, the hall filled and Frodo looked with delight upon the many fair faces that were gathered together. The golden firelight played upon them and shimmered in their hair. Suddenly, he noticed not far from the further end of the fire a small dark figure seated on a stool with his back propped against a pillar. Beside him on the ground
[00:07:44] was a drinking cup and some bread. Frodo wondered whether he was ill, if people were ever ill on Rivendell. And he had been unable to come to the feast. His head seemed sunk in sleep on his breast and a fold of his dark cloak was drawn over his face. Elrond went forward and stood beside the silent figure. Awake, little master, he said with a smile. Then, turning to Frodo, he beckoned to him.
[00:08:15] Now at last the hour has come that you have wished for, Frodo, he said. Here is a friend that you have long missed. The dark figure raised its head and uncovered its face. Bilbo, cried Frodo with a sudden recognition. And he sprang forward. Hello, Frodo, my lad, said Bilbo. And it's just the warmest reunion that I can ever remember reading
[00:08:44] in my entire life. And it happens between these two people. And it's so wholesome. And Lizzie, one of my friends and I were just texting back and forth in tears for the beauty of this chapter. I hate to say how much this stuff reminds me of other stuff, but I can also remember picking up someone from the airport and I was stopped behind this very slow-moving car who was just holding up traffic. And I remember the car stopped in the middle of the road and a man got out and sprinted to his wife.
[00:09:14] And rather than hug her, he danced around her for a solid 30 seconds before he embraced her. He did not care about the traffic he was causing or the annoyance of everyone waiting for him. And to be honest, I was kind of watching with smittenness of this couple. It was very cute. This man cared for nothing other than a beautiful reunion. And this is the kind of thing that we get here with Bilbo and Frodo. I am sure
[00:09:43] Frodo has been storing up all the things that he wanted to say to Bilbo, but here's the rub. I actually don't think that Frodo says the things he is thinking of here. I don't really know if any of us would say the things that we're thinking of and wanted to talk about. I think sometimes that we would just have another normal meal with that person, but then cherish all the small little moments that happened during it. Because Bilbo goes away to finish writing a song with Aragorn, a very interesting song I might point out,
[00:10:12] and then they continue with the singing and the merriment until we get one of the greatest lines that has ever been written and something that I didn't know I desired to have spoken to me until I read the words on the page just last night. The very last paragraph of this chapter says, You can trot off and tell Gandalf that he has gone to bed. Good night, Frodo. Bless me. It has been good to see you again. There are no folk-like hobbits after all for a real good talk.
[00:10:43] I am getting very old, and I begin to wonder if I should ever live to see your chapters of our story. Good night. I'll take a walk, I think, and look at the stars of Elbereth in the garden. Sleep well to see your chapters of our story. I'm sitting here writing this and tearing up. To be that included
[00:11:12] in another person's life, and I've said this before, but Frodo has likely been thinking all about the things that he wishes he could say to Bilbo, and then he finally meets him and they all seem to fade away. But they fade away because Frodo knows for certain that Bilbo loves him, and that both of them know how much they love each other. Bilbo ends up speaking the words to Frodo, and Frodo realizes that Bilbo realizes that they love each other. It is just so moving to me,
[00:11:41] in a totally existential and filled with regret sort of way, but also in a wholesome way that I hope to find friends that speak like this to me. when I am in their life. I think this is kind of what everyone longs for and hopes for. To live a life so deeply in love with people that your story ends up becoming a chapter in theirs.