[00:00:00] Hello everyone. I'm gonna make a quick update on the podcast and just some of the stuff that we're gonna do in the future. Because for the last like two or three months, maybe even more than that, I've been making a lot of video essays on YouTube about Lord of the Rings in my first time read through Lord of the Rings. And what started off as like, you know, an essay per chapter turned into something a lot more when I hit the Council of Elvron chapter and there was so much information there that I wanted to write so much about it.
[00:00:27] So I started making a bunch of these essays and started publishing them on YouTube and then I started publishing all the written essays on Substack, which I am still in the process of doing. It's taking a long time. I've almost, I've literally almost 200,000 words, I think about 200,000 words, maybe over right now on Lord of the Rings that I've written. I've almost written enough. I've probably written the same amount that Lord of the Rings actually is on my thoughts on Lord of the Rings.
[00:00:52] So I've been publishing some of the essays on Substack and I am actually audio recording all of them. And that's for YouTube purposes. And I was, I'm dumb in that I didn't realize that these could also be published in podcast form. So I don't know if you guys might like this or not. I know you guys are used to like the typical discussion or a forum where we kind of talk about Lord of the Rings and we're still going to be doing that.
[00:01:14] But I just wanted to take a little excursus with some of these and just let you know what some of my deeper thoughts on this incredible text are. So I'm going to start publishing these video essays in podcast form. They're only going to be audio. If you want to go check out the actual videos, you can go subscribe on YouTube. It is first timers or at first timers.
[00:01:38] And yeah, I'm just going to start publishing these, these essays. Let me know what you think of them. You might not love them, but they're kind of just like my thoughts and opinions on some of the stuff that I'm reading in Lord of the Rings because I'm reading it for the first time and it's just really exciting. So I'm going to start publishing them here. I would love to know your thoughts. And the first thing that I'm going to publish is the first essay that I wrote when I noticed in the first chapter about the invisibility and loneliness of Bilbo Baggins.
[00:02:04] And the first I, I'm going to be, um, it's going to be a little bit annoying because the first like two video essays are might have music attached to them. Cause I, for some reason can't find the original audio clip for those. I might actually rerecord them. Yeah. I'm probably just going to rerecord them. I'm going to rerecord this right now. And so you don't have to deal with like, you know, the music on them. If you got, if you actually want to see the music and all the visuals that I made for it, um, just go check out YouTube.
[00:02:29] But yeah, this is the first installment of the essays that I'm writing. We will call them musings on Lord of the Rings. And this is on the invisibility of Bilbo Baggins. So I am reading Lord of the Rings for the first time and something struck me as sad and depressing in the first chapter. It seems like it's more subtext than anything else, but the invisibility and loneliness of Bilbo Baggins is terribly sad.
[00:02:58] Now I am only covering the first chapter of Fellowship of the Ring here. And it's not subtext at all on the first page. There's a line that explicitly says he remained on visiting terms with his relatives, except of course, the Sackville Bagginses. And he had many devoted admirers among the hobbits of poor and unimportant families. But he had no close friends until some of his younger cousins began to grow up.
[00:03:23] Now I was thinking through this at the moment, and it hurt me a little bit to see Bilbo struggling to find friends. I don't want to make this incredibly personal by any stretch of the imagination, but I think it's a tough thing to make friends when you're older. And especially for Bilbo, who has the ring, who is not really aging, who I am sure has seen numerous friends of his youth die, and who is now more of a memorial and something to gawk at in Hobbiton than anything else.
[00:03:48] I can only imagine that he comes home from his adventures at the Lonely Mountain, and everyone sees him on his donkeys with gold and silver and treasures from other kingdoms. And then he stays in Bag End as a rich hobbit for the rest of his days. Everyone seems to want his money. And no one seems to want Bilbo for what he is so eager to talk about. His adventures. Yes, he is very un-Hobbit-like, but Bilbo must have experienced some severe loneliness over the course of the second half of his life.
[00:04:17] That I think the books just kind of gloss and glance over. I mean, Lord of the Rings is really about Frodo, so I can't do a deep dive into what Bilbo is experiencing, but I am somewhat blown away by the writing of Tolkien here, and how he was able, in just a few lines mentioned, and scattered throughout the chapter, to make you feel the loneliness and frustration that Bilbo experiences.
[00:04:40] In the first line, Bilbo needs to befriend someone who is significantly younger than he is, and someone who is coming of age. Frodo is 33 years old on the same day that Bilbo is 111, but it seems like everyone else except for Frodo really just wants Bilbo for his riches and the things that he could give them. The text said that he had people who respected him, like Sam Gamgee, and Ham Gamgee, his gardeners.
[00:05:05] But for anyone who has employees, which are pretty much what Ham and Sam are, there's a line that really can't be crossed, no matter how many times Bilbo might ask them about roots and potatoes. And so these people, who are low-born in Hobbiton, would honestly be fantastic friends to Bilbo. But they just don't view him as such, even though they give him their respect. To Bilbo's immediate family, it's like they don't even respect him.
[00:05:32] Yes, everyone shows up to the party, but that feels less like them liking Bilbo, and more like them just wanting to come to the party of the century. Even when Bilbo gives his speech. This man who has seen more in one lifetime than probably everyone else in the room combined, and there are 144 people in this room, which was the combined ages of Frodo and Bilbo, and was something that Sackville Baggins has hated, seeing that they were likely just numbers to get to 144. But when he gives his speech, a line the book says, all the guests expected a pleasant feast,
[00:06:02] although they rather dreaded the after-party dinner speech of their host, an inevitable item. He was liable to drag in bits of what he called poetry, and sometime after a glass or two would allude to the absurd adventures of his mysterious journey. It's like Bilbo just wants someone to talk to, and even at his birthday speech he can't find that. I can imagine that he is overjoyed when Gandalf comes through the Shire, because finally here is someone who can listen to his stories, and someone who understands him.
[00:06:31] But Gandalf doesn't come through to be a regular friend. I find it sad that Bilbo just spends his days alone most of the time. I love that his younger cousins respect him, and end up becoming his friends, but for someone at his age to be going through life alone, something that I think happens all too much to the elderly in any and every country, it again makes me a little sad. It also makes me wonder if Tolkien himself went through something like this.
[00:06:58] Maybe some of you Tolkien experts out there can help me by letting me know what happened at the end of his life. But he had the inklings, and he had amazing and deep friendships with fellow writers who were brilliant just like him, and I wonder if some of those friends died, and then Tolkien ended up just feeling like Bilbo. Someone who had stories to tell, but not enough ears to listen. It also hurts because of how beautiful Bilbo is, and how well he treats people.
[00:07:24] He seems like he has a lot to offer in being friends with. In his speech, his beautiful words, It reminds me so much of my own grandpa who died in his early 80s, and who was a lover of life and a lover of people, and who brought joy into everyone's life when he talked to them.
[00:07:52] He was someone who went anywhere and could make a friend or make someone smile. It also makes me wonder how many friends he actually had, though. He had his family, and I remember taking a car ride with him essentially kind of to his death, which is tragic. We all knew it was coming, and he was looping on some drugs, and had a 20-minute car ride to the hospital where I asked him questions about his life, and had a conversation with him that I will never forget. It's a conversation I wish I could have dragged out more than 20 minutes.
[00:08:20] It's a conversation I wish I could drag out for 20 more years. And it makes me frustrated at the times when I was younger and dumber, and he or any of the people his age were telling a story, and I rolled my eyes for the annoyance of it, because Bilbo is giving a speech here and just wants to reminisce. It is also, if I may be allowed to refer to ancient history, the anniversary of my arrival by barrel at Eskaroth in the Long Lake. Though the fact that it was my birthday slipped my memory on the occasion. I was only 51 then, and birthdays did not seem so important.
[00:08:50] The banquet was very splendid, however, though I had a bad cold at the time, I remember, and could only say, thank you very much. I now repeat it more correctly. Thank you very much for coming to my little party. Obstinate silence. They all feared a song or some poetry was now imminent, and they were getting bored. Man, I wish I could be there, sitting in the front row looking enamored so that Bilbo felt confident to keep going and tell his stories, even to spite the other guests who look bored. Screw them. It also makes me want to sit with these people more often.
[00:09:20] It may sound weird, but Bilbo in this chapter makes me want to foster better relationships, no matter if they are 33 like Frodo or 111 like Bilbo. Because, and I know Bilbo knew this, but Frodo loved him. And in this story, I saw myself as Frodo as well, secretively loving my grandparents who all died when I was young. But I never really had a moment with any of them, except for my one grandpa, to sit down with them near the end and tell them how much I loved them. And by the time Frodo realized he needs to sit down with Bilbo
[00:09:50] and have a conversation with him, it's too late. Because Bilbo disappears. And the book says, he had difficulty in keeping from laughter at the indignant surprise of the guests. But at the same time, he felt deeply troubled. He realized suddenly that he loved the old hobbit dearly. And I know this isn't in the story, but perhaps Frodo had come to that realization a bit earlier, Bilbo might have stayed in Hobbiton and developed his relationship with Frodo even deeper. Because it's a weird microcosm of death that the people we love
[00:10:19] always seem to leave us too early. Bilbo tragically, when he leaves the ring for good, says, Oh, an old gray man, bent and troubled. Bilbo drew his hand over his eyes. I am sorry, he said, but I felt so queer. And yet it would be a relief in a way to not be bothered with it anymore. It has been growing so on my mind. Lately. Sometimes I felt it was like an eye looking at me. And I am always wanting to put it on and disappear.
[00:10:48] Bilbo absolutely wanted to do this for adventure, but also because his relatives wanted things from him. And Bilbo just wanted a friend to go on adventures with and swap stories with. Something I want more now than ever as I get older, more than anything else in this world, really. I could care less about politics or fame or fortune. Just get me in a good room with a few good friends, swapping good stories, and I am satisfied. And as Bilbo leaves, he seems to pause at the hearth and sing a song. This is what the text says.
[00:11:18] Take care. I don't care. Don't you worry about me. I am happy now as I have ever been. And that is saying a great deal. Which to me seems like blatant subtext, probably an oxymoron for him having a conversation with Gandalf about how he has no real friends in Hobbiton. And now Gandalf likely always found him just, he found him unhappy in those moments. And then the text goes on to say, But the time has come. I am being swept off my feet at last.
[00:11:46] He then added in a low voice as if to himself. He sang softly in the dark. The road goes ever on and on, Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the road has gone, And I must follow if I can, Pursuing it with eager feet, Until it joins some larger way
[00:12:16] Where many paths and errands meet And wither than I cannot say Which, forgive me for singing that one too, Which seems to me like a song about the end of your life and looking back on your life. Maybe not with regret, but with eagerness. And right after he leaves, Frodo comes rushing up and sees Gandalf. He says, I wish, I mean, I hoped until this evening that it was a joke, said Frodo, but I knew in my heart that he had really meant to go. He always used to joke about serious things.
[00:12:46] I wish I had come back sooner, just to see him off. I think he really preferred swiping off quietly in the end, said Gandalf. Don't be too troubled. He'll be alright. Now. This truly makes me sad for Bilbo. His one real friend realized the depths of their friendship just a minute too late. And Bilbo is off to have an adventure again with some of the people who don't understand him and get him. It's beautiful for Bilbo in that he is on his final journey, but also tragic for Frodo in that he never really got to say what he felt.
[00:13:15] And this first chapter was a kick in the butt for me to say what I really feel and to tell the people I love them that I really do love them before it's too late. Thank you. Thank you.